I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
