You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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