we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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