Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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