JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
