she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
