Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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