A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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