That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
