there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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