I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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