I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sarcasm needs its own font
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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