Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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