if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
