I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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