Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
