SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize