That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize