the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
