so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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