and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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