frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
