you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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