ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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