Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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