Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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