Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
