omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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