I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
