no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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