Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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