wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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