Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
