my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the day after is always just damage control
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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