why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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