I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
