I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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