he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
