wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
