I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize