OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
