Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
