Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
vagina is talking i cant
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
