I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
