I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
porn star boner night. come get it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
