some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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