I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
