Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
