I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
