He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize