What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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