I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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