Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
