She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
