If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
