Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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