My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
