he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
