weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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