Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
