You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
