you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my shit smells like andre
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Terrible idea I love it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
