i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
