That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
