Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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