I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
