I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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