You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
