I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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