so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
