why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She is in my trunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's shark week go big or go home
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
why is half of my head shaved?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize