he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
