You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
