conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
