We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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