Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
