I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
