His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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