did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
