i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize