Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
