Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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