My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
