I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
