The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
