i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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