how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
