Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
