Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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