That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize