I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
