I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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