Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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