I'm drive I can fine osifer
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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