Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
