I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
