You can't motorboat a personality
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
