I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
