and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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