she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Houston, we have a squirter
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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