All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
