My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
