I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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