Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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