If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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