so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
