I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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