I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
