I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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